


God Only Knows

by yourdeadfriend



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Comedy, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Relationship(s), Romance, Romantic Comedy, Slow Build, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4559952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourdeadfriend/pseuds/yourdeadfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU of DA2. Eventual Fenris/M!Hawke. Garrett Hawke is 24, a single first year med student. After his younger brother Carver leaves unexpectedly, Garrett's life begins to change in ways that he would never be able to truly understand until he looked back on it all. His relationships with his friends deepen and complex themselves, and over time he grows accustomed to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here We Are

**Author's Note:**

> Relative to the game, this would be the end of Act 1 leading into the beginning of Act 2. Relationships characters and tags will be added as the story progresses.  
> Thank you for reading! :)

“Uh… I _didn’t_ write a speech.”

 

My little sister puts a hand on her hip and gives me such a look of disapproval that I look away. How embarrassing.

 

“And you wonder why he acts that way all the time. You’re such a jerk.” Bethany crosses her arms over her chest and stares me down in the middle of the grocery store. She reminds me of our mother, doing the same thing when I was five and in trouble. The stare was definitely hereditary.

 

I look to her for a second, then side-eye the stickers. I suck my teeth. “Beth, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. It’s not like he’s getting married and I’m the best man or something.”

 

Bethany’s face turns sour and she turns away from me. She begins to violently go through the different packets of streamers. She’s silent for a second, but I know that in that second she’s trying not to yell at me. She’s distracting herself because that’s what Bethany likes to do.

 

Sure enough, when she decides to open her mouth at me some more, her tone is brisk and her lips are pinched from her gritting her teeth through her words.

 

“I’m just-” She sighs from her throat through her teeth and continues. “Would it kill you to at least _act_ like this means something to you? You know that you’re a part of the whole reason he’s leaving. You acting like you don’t care isn’t going to do any good for Carver.”

 

Ouch. I start to arbitrarily look through the decorative napkins for kid’s birthday parties. “We should get him some of the Ninja Turtle ones,” I pick up a stack, examining it further. “They sure look different than they did in my day- “

 

Bethany steps up to me and roughly snatches them out of my hand.

 

“Hey!” I take my hand back quickly.

 

“Garrett, are you even listening to me?”

 

 “Jesus, Beth, yes!” I furrow my brow at her, annoyed. “What the hell’s your problem, man?” Before she could give me a look, I added, “Yeah, I get that Carver’s leaving. It’s real now, he’s really going. How badly is that bothering you?”

 

Bethany puts the napkins into the cart and pushes it farther down the aisle. “I just want him to feel like while he’s away, he’ll be missed by more people than just me.”

 

“Hey,” I catch up with her and put my hand on her shoulder. “You know that he knows that everyone here will miss him. You don’t have to worry about him. He’s a big boy.”

 

“I know that he is.” She snaps at me, again walking further ahead. There isn’t even anything over there besides some gardening stuff.

 

I don’t follow her this time, but I continue looking through the party decorations. “Well, then if you know that, what’s the issue?”

 

“Seriously, Garrett?” I see my sister leaning against the cart, inching her way back over. “It’s not like he’s shy about it. For some reason he’s _always_ felt like he wasn’t good enough. Not for Dad, not for you. You were the only male role model he had after Dad died and all I remember growing up is watching you make him feel bad.”

 

I groan and it turns into a growl; I get more frustrated as it goes. “I know where you’re trying to take this and I’m tired of hearing it. I didn’t come here to argue about stupid fucking Carver, I came to pick out balloons and shit for his stupid fucking party.” She’s closer to me with the cart. I throw in a couple of the streamers she had been looking at before.

 

She takes them out and replaces them with some of her own choosing. I roll my eyes. She says nothing to me as she looks over what we had picked out. We are silent through the check out process, and my sister doesn’t look at me. This is something I got used to a long time ago.

 

Bethany and I have always gotten along much better than Carver and I. But when we disagree or argue about something, she can immediately turn into a mini-Carver with long hair. That being said, I can’t ever remember a time where she said that she hated me. Carver always finds some way to tell me that he hates me, at least once a week. Maybe he means it as a joke or something, but that’s never really how I’ve taken it. I don’t remember ever saying it back, but hell, who knows.

 

We’re walking to Beth’s car, we’re unloading groceries when she says softly, “All I’m saying is, after this, we don’t know when we’ll see him again.”

 

This isn’t something that I have forgotten about or am ignoring. However, I don’t think Carver really cares if he ever sees me again.

 

I don’t say any of this to my sister. Instead, I say nothing. I put the cart away and get into her car just as she starts it up. We drive back to our mother’s house.


	2. 3 Days 'Til D-Day

Isabela and Varric are already there, waiting for us. We come into the kitchen and set the bags down on the countertops. Those two are with my poor mother in the dining area across from the kitchen. I hope they’re keeping the conversation as PG-13 as possible.

 

Both Mom and Isabela spring up when they see us, immediately coming to fuss over the decorations.

 

“Oh, suitable.” Isabela snickers as she picks up the Ninja Turtle napkins. She rustles through the rest of the bags as my mother puts everything into the closet.

 

“Hey now, Kitten, this is it?” Isabela pushes the last bag away, it flies up and lands on the floor. My sister immediately bends to pick it up and puts it away.

 

“Excuse you, but I think we got plenty of crap for that little brat’s going away party.”

 

Varric walks into the room and I make a beeline to him.

 

Isabela turns and hoists herself onto the table. She sits, spreads her legs slightly, and crosses one leg over the other. _“Excuuuse_ you, princess, but all the stuff you guys got looks lame as fuck.”

 

Isabela laughs as my mother looks over her shoulder so fast she could have gotten whiplash. Bethany gag-laughs behind her hands, always mortified into nervous laughter when Isabela presents herself in front of Mother.

 

“I remember at a party, there was candy that were shaped like little cocks!” Isabela is a person who constantly has a smile on her face. Whether she’s smirking or genuinely smiling, she never is angry with anyone.

 

My mother is the opposite of Isabela. She turns bright red and huffs to herself. At this point in Isabela being part of our crew, all attempts to suffocate the Isabela have been futile. Mom knows that Isabela can’t be tamed.

 

“Well, Rivaini, we still have two days.” Varric is another one of those smiling people. Everything he said was with all of his teeth. He made you believe lies. “We can get you all the cock candy you want.”

 

Isabela’s cattish grin grew and she chuckled heartily. “You all didn’t even buy any alcohol!”

 

“I’ll remind you that the twins are only 19!”

 

“Thanks, Mom, only one of us is here so neither of us are here.” I heard Bethany mutter as the commotion starts to rise. I watch her slink out of the kitchen, to go up to her room I’m sure.

 

“The rest of us are well beyond legal, Leandra!” Varric always has a way with words, therefore he has a way with women. The rest of us agree that he could talk his way out of, or into, anything. We all said that he should have become a lawyer or a politician. But the fat checks that Varric receives monthly are the best argument he could ever have for why he became an author.

 

Although Isabela and Varric go way back, I have known Varric the longest of my friends.

I turn to him and ask, “So what do you think about it, huh?”

 

“About Kid Hawke?” Varric looks up at me. He is also very good at maintaining eye contact. “Honestly, Hawke, I wouldn’t be able to tell you until the day of.”

 

“Aw, really?” I thought if there was one person that I could talk to about this, it would have been Varric.

 

“Yeah. Nothing against you, of course, but…” Varric trails off and looks down the hallway. “It’s a situation, you know?”

 

“… Yeah.”

 

My mother moves out of the kitchen after she makes sure everything is put away. It is getting late, so we say good night.

 

“Thank you for getting those things with your sister. I know it’s… hard on you two, but-“ I could hear her voice breaking.

 

I cut her off as politely as I could. “Mom, it’s fine. We both know that Carver is an adult. He’s making his own decisions.”

 

“Yes, he is,” my mother agreed, half-heartedly.

 

“It’s okay, Mom.”

 

She pulls at the bottom of her shirt, then relaxes and folds her hands in front of her. “Good night, dear.”

 

“Good night, Mom.” She leaves to her room. Isabela and Varric are already halfway out the door.

 

I shake my head with a small grin and scoff. “Good night, you guys.”

 

“Goodnight, Hawkes!”

 

“Goodnight, moon!” Isabela shuts the door, giggling on her way out. When I first met her, I thought she was drunk. Every time we hung out after that, she acted about the same. Isabela is, by nature, boisterous and flamboyant. 

 

Turning out some of the lights, I make my way up the stairs where all the rooms are. Bethany’s light is still on, so I knock. I hear her tell me to come in so I open the door.

 

“Hey, is Carver here at all?” Bethany asks right away. She’s laying on her bed on her stomach. Her laptop is out and open, with her headphones plugged in. She was a whole other world away before I bothered her. “He wasn’t in his room earlier.”

 

I furrow my brow and frown. I cross my arms and tell her, “No, I haven’t seen him at all. Are you sure he isn’t back here?”

 

Bethany heaves a great sigh and sits up. “I’m sure. You know, I thought people who are leaving were supposed to spend a lot of time with their family and friends.”

 

“He has spent his whole life with his family and friends.” A corner of my mouth tugs slightly.

 

“Oh… That’s true, I suppose.”

 

I come further into Bethany’s room and sit down next to her on her bed. “It is. How do you feel about it?”

 

Immediately, she starts to wave her hand in dismissal. “I know he has other things to do before he leaves.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I know that not all of those things are gonna involve us.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It’s just… I feel…” Bethany twists her face into an expression of confounded sadness.

 

“You guys have never really been apart.”

 

“Yeah.” She pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on her kneecaps, arms wrapped around her shins. It’s okay. I smile down at her and put my hand on her upper back. “You know, when I left for college, it was really hard to keep from trying to come back to check on you guys.”

 

Bethany tilts her head slightly and looks at me. “No it wasn’t, you were excited to go.”

 

“I was. But once I got there, it was really… Tch.” I sniggered sheepishly. “It was really hard. Because up until then, you guys were part of what I was all about. And all of a sudden, you weren’t. And it was hard.”

 

“You got over it fast, though.” Bethany’s words sound accusatory and a little bitter, but she still speaks softly.

 

“I haven’t.” I say truthfully. “I appreciate the holidays a lot more now.”

 

Bethany didn’t say anything. I move my hand from her back to around her shoulders and pull her in for a hug. She hugs me back. We let go, I stand up and ruffle her hair.

 

“You’ll be okay.” I walk to the door, grasp the doorknob and turn back to look at her. She’s smiling at me.

 

“Thanks.” Her feet touch the ground again. “Hey, before you go.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I’ve been gone for so long! Does it look weird, me being back in here?”

 

I stop and look at her for a second. For a second, she’s little. My baby sister. I look at her with a little bit of adoration. For a second, I remember being many different ages, holding this same doorknob, looking at the same little girl.

 

“No, it really doesn’t.”

 

“Okay. Well, good night, Gare.”

 

“Good night.” I make to shut the door, but I stop. “Hey, actually, I have one more question for you.” I poke my head back in the doorway.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Do you know all who Carver wants to have attend the party?”

 

“I know there’s a list somewhere, it might be in the kitchen.”

 

“Thanks, kiddo.” We say good night again and I shut the door for her.

 

I go back into the kitchen and sure enough, there’s a guest list on the fridge.

 

_Mom_

_Bethy_

_Garrett, I guess_

_Isabela_

_Merrill_

_Varric_

_Anders_

_Aveline_

_Whoever they bring with them_

What a little asshole. At least now I know who to call up. I take the list off of the fridge and carry it with me to my room.


	3. Ignition

The decorations engulf the house like a fire, if fire were made of confetti banners and silly string sculptures. When the last balloon clusters are being taped onto the walls, Carver comes home.

 

I’m sitting in the kitchen eating one of the many home-cooked meals I have been blessed with by coming back. From the direction he’s walking in, I feel like he entered from the door on the far back side of the house.

 

“What’s up?” I call out to him because I know he can’t ignore me. So stubborn.

 

I hear his footsteps stop, and pick up again. Carver appears in front of me and for the first time in a year, he and I are alone together.

 

“Nothin’. What’s up.” When Carver talks to me, everything is a statement.

 

“I’m just eating some leftover beef stuff Mom made. It’s fucking great.” My mom’s food is so good it makes me dizzy. I watch Carver look at me, to the plate, to the fridge, all without moving.

 

“All right.”

 

He turned around and opened up the fridge.

 

“So today’s the big day, right?”

 

“What?”

 

“…Uh, today’s the big day, …right?”

 

“What are you talking about?” I could hear the smirk in his voice even though he was just staring into the fridge like a stupid dumbass. Any time he felt like he was better than me, his ego magnified into the atmosphere.

 

“Oh… You know that’s tomorrow, right?” Carver shut the fridge door slowly, turning on his heel slowly, it’s annoying that he thinks he’s cool. He set the orange juice he pulled out on the counter in front of me and made his way to the cabinets.

 

“I meant the party, idiot.”

 

“Ohh. Uh-huh. So the party is more important than me leaving.”

 

“Wow. No, that’s not what I meant at all.”

 

“Okay, Garrett.”

 

“Dude, come on. You leave really early in the morning. There’s not much of a tomorrow you’re gonna be around here for.”

 

Carver picks a tall, clear glass from the shelf and shuts the door. He brings it back over and sets this in front of me, too. He scowls while he’s pouring his juice and I know that he’s pissed off because I’m right. Eventually, I am always right.

 

“I want today to be good.”

 

“It’s cool that I’m the one who’s leaving and you still find a way to make it about what you want, Gare. Is that like a super power or some shit.”

 

I wedge the fleshy part on the inside of my lip in between my overbite and clench until it hurts to keep from telling him to fuck off.

 

“Nah, man. I know you don’t like to, you know, fucking listen, but- “

 

Carver spins around again, leaves the orange juice out and leaves. I really hate this.

 

I get up and pick up the orange juice. Actually, I want some too. I set it back down and get a cup similar to what Carver got. I pour myself a glass, put the cap back on the container. I swished it around to hear if there’s enough left to put back into the fridge, or if I should just brave it and drink more orange juice than what I expected this afternoon. There’s enough, so I put it back into the fridge.

 

After a while, Mom comes into the kitchen.

 

“Hon, I’m going to need to you clear out. I’m going to start cooking.”

 

“Ah, okay.” I get up with my plate of beef stuff in one hand and my drink in the other.

 

“When are we expecting people?”

 

“Ooh. Good question.” I took a thoughtful sip. “I would say 7 or 8, maybe?”

 

“Go get your brother.”

 

Ugh. Way to pour that gasoline, Mom.

 

I assume that he went upstairs to sulk in his room, so I make my way back upstairs. I set my stuff back in my room before I go up to the irritatingly shut door of my shitty little brother. I knock twice sharply.

 

“Hmm.” So stupid. Why do you grunt like a fat animal, why don’t you speak like a person?

 

I open the door. He doesn’t look at me.

 

“Mom wants you.” I’m gripping the doorknob.

 

He says nothing to me. He’s laying on his back, on his bed. He’s on his phone. His eyes don’t even flick up.

 

This is more familiar than being in Bethany’s doorway.

 

“Hey, where did you go last night?”

 

I know he isn’t going to give me an answer, so I’m going to make him feel as uncomfortable as I can. I stand there, looking at him for a good 15 seconds. I slowly shut the door. I walk away.

 

The decorations extend up to here, it seems. The balloons are all forest green, white and red. It would look like Christmas if it weren’t for the streamers and the lack of cheer in the air.

 

I hear Carver’s door open behind me, I hear it shut. I hear him walking, and then I see him. Before he gets to the stairs, I say, “Only Carver could look at all this and think that we’re celebrating because he’s leaving.”

 

He stops for a second. He continues down the stairs.

 

I go into my room and shut the door. I decide that I’m getting too old for this petty shit.

 

I called everyone the day after I found the list. And the day after that, being yesterday, I called them again to make sure. All there was left to do now was to wait. 


End file.
